Sunday, December 14, 2014

Progress is progress yo.

I've sorted the eye now.

Octopus Arrows

Yuh. To keep track.
Ain't finished.


Sunday, December 07, 2014

I dunno what's up.

RIGHT NOW
The last month+ has been real good. And it still is.
Just right now. This moment. I'm having a moment.
Like. My friend got married yesterday and looking at the photos of myself and a couple of friends who went. I just urgh. That face. So fucking chubby and. They're so pretty. And geniune. I'm trying to be happy as just Clem. Mostly I'm succeeding and it's all thanks to Tom. But. Urgh. ME. 

Anyway. I haven't been drawing. I should. Maybe I will try later.

I'm excited for Christmas. 

SCHOOL
I just turned 26. It was a good bithday, really spread out. I was on placement at the time. I only have two placements left, and that's it! Come August 2015, I'll be qualifying and a full on Band 5 Registered Mental Health Nurse.
At the moment, I'm struggling to choose whether I'll work where I don't like (wards), because the system isn't good enough and a lot needs to change.... Therefore, the only way I can work there is by trying to change it.
OR
Continuing to aspire towards Community Mental Health work. To be honest, I've only had one semi community placement so. I don't have a huge amount of choice.

The thing with the former is, I want to, but I'm worried I'm not a strong enough or big enough person inside to be able to persist enough to actually make a better environment for patients. They're the ones with the kinda raw deal, I should be working FOR them, and to do that it all needs changing. 
I dunno.
Urgh.

LURVE
Things are pretty fucking good with Tom. It's been almost two months and I think we've had about half a fight twice. Which, given my record for flipping the fuck out, is pretty impressive.

Thing is. I always felt that the things I wanted and needed from another person were normal. The more I dated, the more I felt it was unreasonable, that I was bad for expecting those things and angry at myself that I couldn't seem to change. Leading to various guys telling me that I needed help/counselling/therapy/anger management. 
Turns out they didn't know what they were talking about. Lol. Cunts.
PLUS. I did actually go to a psychology assessment. We lolled all the way through because ya know what? I do not fit the criteria for needing help. 

Tom is honest and funny-lookin in a good way, clever, talented and mine. More than I deserve. I'm happy with him. I don't need more than happiness...

...Well. Yeah okay, my financial situation is almost fucked so. Ya know, if he won the lottery that'd be pretty nice...!

IN OTHER NEWS
I'm optimistic about the future. I just need to keep remembering all the good things. I am lucky. All the way through.

I'm still friends with only one person I met during that whole period of stupid dating. It's nice because like my other real friends, he doesn't take offense when I'm quiet for over a month...!! My uni friends are lovely and clever and understanding.
Haha, and Dave is still my friend :)

I'll stop with the ramble now. Look forward to some sketches and chrimbo pics.

OVER AND OUT YO!

Monday, October 27, 2014

So um...

I've got a real proper actual boyfriend. I know ya'll will probably think I'm crazy. But. I'm pretty fucking serious about him, and he is about me. Know why? Because he's honest about how he feels and lovely. Really genuinely. I don't even feel tempted to pick fights like I normally would because. I don't need to. He gets me.
It feels right and relaxed and I can just be Clem. All of the time.

SCANNED:


Crown Jelly

Friday, October 24, 2014

UUUNF.

This is taking SOOOOO long...


Sunday, October 05, 2014

It's strange.

This morning was rubbish. Really rubbish. But. Strangely. It brightened up.

I've been watching films all weekend. 

I've done little drawing, but I planned some things so.

My uni week is really short for the next 4 weeks, so I'm going to try and reel off some sewing and drawing on my days off.

Hoping to get a little work space from Ikea to put my sewing machine on at the weekend with my big sis and PP.


I'm watching Amelie.


Sorta taking a break from this

Mads and Clem

I don't know. Doodle.

Me and Nook

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Sigh

Just more bullshit. All the time. 
Always the same thing. 
Fuck. You.

Clem. Defender of the people!



"Dear Sir or Madam,


This letter is not a complaint but more like constructive criticism about the service I received from a ***** Delivery Office member of staff, whose name I don’t know. I visited *** Delivery Office this morning, 20/09/14, to collect some post. After I walked in and stood behind a man waiting at the window, one of your staff came to respond. He immediately pointed out the bell in front of the chap in front of me, in a sarcastic manner which I thought wholly inappropriate. The customer apologised politely and obviously English was not his first language. I’ve lived in**** for 3 years and I like the cultural diversity. Possibly he hadn’t noticed the bell or the signs indicating it or was unable to read it. I personally had assumed that when I arrived, he was already being seen to. The man left and I handed over my card to the same individual helping at the window. He returned with my parcel and immediately pointed out the bell again, in the same sarcastic manner.

At this point I feel that I should mention that I understand that your staff must have to put up with a great deal of challenging and frustrating customers and as I work in mental health, believe me, I can relate. However, I feel that if you expect your customers to treat you with respect you should be doing the very same. The man working behind the window must have been frustrated but I feel that he made assumptions about myself and other customers in the collection office. I felt that his manner was unnecessary and mean.
At the time I didn’t respond to his sarcasm, I smiled, thanked him and left. However, I feel that working in mental health has given me an ability to shrug such behavior off. Now though, what I feel I should have done is responded in kind or told him how inappropriate I thought his attitude was then and there.

I expected a much higher level of service from Royal Mail, and I am quite disappointed. I do not want to work all week, earn my weekend off and then be faced with a rude attitude when collecting my post.

Again, this is less a complaint, more of a criticism. The stories and the lives of the people who walk into your collection office and unknown to your staff. So they should not assume anything. Each person has their own life and stresses, they do not need it to be aggravated by sarcasm. To be honest, as I write this, I’m less annoyed for myself, but more for the possible struggles that people I support go through on a daily basis. Many find it extremely difficult to perform simple tasks like going to the post office. Attitudes like the one I experienced could set an individual back a long way. 


I felt sufficiently strongly about this to have written and would be grateful for a response"


Feeling quite proud of myself for being so assertive this morning.
He was a shit though so.

When I went to hand it over, the rude guy was there so I asked him politely to pass the letter on to his manager. He looked shocked and a little dismayed. Turning to the man next to him, he asked me if I'd like to speak to his manager directly and handed the letter over to the man. At this point, I was half way out the door and cheerfully called out that he shouldn't worry about that, the letter on it's own is fine.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Dude.

Story of my life.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

I want to give up

Aphex Twin - Avril 14th


I love this so much.
It makes me feel stuff.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Something more cheerful :)

So I'm just finishing my second week on a new placement. Half way already!!
I'm really liking it, I mean, I feel like a spare part a lot of the time but. 
Everyone is nice. The team is friendly. I'm finally gaining some trust to get things done, which is great :)
I should try and draw tonight. 
I bought One Hour Photo the other day when I was at my sister's place so.
Maybe I'll draw with that on.

REMINDS ME!
The reason I went there was to try on some bridesmaid dresses. So exciting! I felt like a princess.
Realised I should lose some weight though. I'm trying to eat better but. I'm so huuuungry!!
Should start some exercise. I've got until April so.
I was especially nice since my other sister came too so. A couple evenings with the three of us together was lovely. I miss family so much.

LOL. Wrote that. Then realised I'd been fobbed off by a guy who promised to be a good friend. 
Was supposed to hang out tonight. Yesterday said he had to look after his son tonight.
Just mentioned he's going to see a band.
When pulled up on it, OH! Kid's mum isn't working after all.
Bullshit.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Stupid Everything.

I really want to forget. 
Sorry Ferry.
But I wish you'd come back.
I miss you.



Sorta.

I don't want to go back.
I like going forwards.
It's the only way to improve.
I just. Wish I could pause sometimes.
And properly think about what I'm doing.
Or what I've done.
Or what I should do next.
So tired of getting things wrong and losing control.
Getting tired of myself.